KungFu Mike Becomes the King of Cripples - July 29, 2008

(Reconditioning Batteries)

I know what you're thinking...what do KungFu Mike and a grilled cheese sandwich have in common?

The answer :

Bread = 2 Full size Toyota Tundras

Cheese = KungFu Mike

Tonight at work, I was pinned at the knees between two pick up trucks, one stationary and one going about 7 miles an hour as the result of a poorly planned joke on yours truly. The outcome of all of this was a trip to the emergency room to watch some Hannah Montana and pick up a massive leg brace that looks like a fucking yoga mat, armpit choking crutches, Percocets the size of frisbees and a date with an orthopedist tomorrow to see just how bad my shit is fucked. Hopefully they won't have to amputate my gam, but if they do, I'll do my best to see if they can retrofit my stump with a pogo stick or a gas powered, pull start dildo.

I'll be busy cranking out part 4 or Ginsanity while I'm immobile. I just wanted to let you guys know why you're going to start seeing weird posts from me for the next however many days. It's probably the percocet.

~KungFu Mike

Posted by KungFu Mike at 7:30 PM

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Ouch, that's un-fun. You seem to be handling it exceptionally well, and I'm impressed. This further cements your role model status.

Posted by: Mike at July 29, 2008 08:06 PM

Wow poorly planned joke has to be an understatement, that's ridiculous. Get well soon.

Posted by: Azza at July 30, 2008 01:35 AM

I like the grilled cheese analogy even though it officially makes me never want to eat one again. I hope your date with the orthopedist goes well.

Posted by: Bri at July 30, 2008 05:35 AM

Whatever you do, don't put the balm on.

Posted by: estar gwars at July 30, 2008 05:44 AM

It could be worse, you could've choked to death on a jawbreaker duct-taped in your mouth (Jawbreaker, 1999, starring Rose McGowan). Plus you have Percocet :) Feel better soon!!

Posted by: at July 30, 2008 06:46 AM

Sorry to hear about that Mike. That sounds like a pretty fucked up "prank". You should get back at them by murdering their families. Ha! Pranked!

Posted by: Fatal Error at July 30, 2008 07:49 AM

Man...wtf. Should I find the pranksters and beat the sh*t out of them? Because they deserve it for their epic failure.

Posted by: Wayland at July 30, 2008 11:36 AM

Wow, That seems like it would be a pretty funny prank.
Hey, Let's make like were gonna crush our friend with a couple of 1/2 ton trucks! That'd be fuckin hilarious!
Hey, feel better soon. But with percocet you probably won't be feeling much of anything. Add a little whiskey and you could run a marathon. (a marathon to the ER...)

Take Care

Posted by: at July 30, 2008 01:37 PM

If it was at work, uh, liability? $$$$$$ + drugs > leg, plus peglegs are pretty fuckin cool.

Posted by: Anonymous at July 30, 2008 02:23 PM

Well think of it this way, if you do get your junk amputated, then you could get a peg leg, a parrot, a hook and become an ass kicking pirate.

Posted by: gk at July 30, 2008 02:54 PM

I think it would be cool to have several detachable accessories for a nub-leg. Wooden peg for pirate costume, detachable jackhammer, detachable robot, etc.

Posted by: CJ at July 30, 2008 03:03 PM

You should write about what was going through your mind when you saw a full size tundra coming your way. I am really interested in this.

Posted by: Phil at July 30, 2008 05:27 PM

You DO realize that a Tundra is a full-size truck, don't you? Writing 'full-size Tundra' is like writing 'two-door Mustang'; there's no other kind.

KungFu Mike EDIT: Thanks, Barry. I knew this entry lacked some authenticity, but I couldn't pin point where. You are a champion.

Posted by: Barry at July 30, 2008 08:58 PM

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