KungFuMike.net - October 30, 2007

I've decided to start writing these entries as multi-day summaries, mostly because the most interesting, physical part about quitting smoking is almost over and now I'm in the phase where I really have to correct how I think and what triggers cravings psychologically, and that just takes time. I have been getting a lot of questions about my progress and I figured I would take the time to answer one of them right now.

One of the questions I get most frequently is about my choice to quit cold turkey. With all of the gums and patches and prescriptions out there to help with the process, why wouldn't I use one? For me, those aids would be more of a crutch than an actual aid. I've used the gum, and I just kept popping that shit in my mouth all day. I've done the patch, and I've smoked while I was on it because the stream of nicotine going into my body was so sporadic that I needed a cigarette as an equalizer. I knew that any aid I used was going to carve a path of excuses for me. "Oh, I just ran out of Nicorette. Let me bum a smoke." Before you knew it I would have just started again. Cold turkey is hard, but making the sincere motion to quit while your blood is cyclically saturated in and weened of nicotine is much, much harder.

Quitting smoking is finally starting to get easier. My cravings have gone from few and far between to virtually non-existent. Of course, I have set myself up in a Utopian quarantine so I have yet to experience the worst cravings to come, which definitely stem from drinking coffee and booze. This weekend I plan on experimenting with both of them to see just how far along with this thing I really am. As always, my effeminate Nancy boy fiend purse full of gum and hard candy will be in tow.

On a macabre note, I'm a little upset about the lack of nasty, awful shit launching itself out of my lungs. It would be nice to literally see my physical progress in the form of brown, yellow globules of mucus on the floor of my shower, but nothing seems to be coming out yet. Well, I did cough up small amounts blood a couple of times, but I attribute that to running obsessively while my city was enveloped in an ash cloud last week like a fucking retard.

I've gotten so cocky in regard to how well I'm kicking the habit that I've decided to up the ante by trying to lose 10 lbs. during my push to quit smoking. Now I'm not fat by any means (I've got a little beer belly), but I'm certainly not at my fighting weight and the way I see it, I'm already running 5 miles a day. All I need to do is revamp my diet and the pounds are going to melt right off. As it turns out, I was right. I've lost 4 lbs. since Saturday. Granted I am beating the shit out of myself and sustaining my body with nothing but salad, rice & beans, almonds, fruit and protein powder, but it's scary how fast weight comes off. Another good thing about tacking on a different goal during the quitting process is that it gives me something to distract myself from obsessing over not smoking. Instead of watching Casino and anxiously reaching for sugar in my anti-suicide kit (EVERYBODY is smoking in that movie), I'll go for a run or grab a handful of apple slices because it helps me along with both goals. Somehow it works, so I'm going to keep it up until I get tired of eating like a Buddhist monk and running like a contestant on Supermarket Sweep.

So in summation; I am now an art fag salad eater who carries around a man purse filled with hard candy and bitches about his inhaler. Excuse me while I chop down some trees and change the oil in my Camaro.

Posted by KungFu Mike at 3:50 PM