KungFuMike.net - April 1, 2008

Here is a picture of the mother of my child holding my firstborn son.

Actually, this is a picture of Satan and the Antichrist as depicted in The Passion. I didn't use a sonogram of my baby because one doesn't exist...because this was an April Fool's joke.

I was about to go to bed last night when I realized that I forgot to do something funny for April Fool's Day. I looked for funny YouTube movies but I couldn't find anything decent. In my sleepiness, I thought up a lame story about knocking some chick up, posted it and passed out.

I woke up to check my email this morning, expecting a bunch of people to yell at me because I didn't put enough effort into my prank. Instead, my inbox was filled with sympathetic messages calling for hope and strength. I quickly figured out that I started writing the entry on the 31st, which made a bunch of you people think it wasn't an April Fool's joke at all.

Readers sent me their phone numbers so I could call them for advice on fatherhood. Some of you guys sent me poems. Some people even told me that they spent their mornings crying because of it; literally fucking crying. My Myspace inbox is pages and pages deep with this shit. People I know in real life were calling and texting me all day about it. Don't get me wrong, the bulk of you saw right through it and called me out right away, which was why I waited until the end of the day to publish the comments for that entry, but a substantial amount of you were just fucking OWNED SO FUCKING HARD!!! HOW DOES IT FEEL TO GET FOOL FUCKED RAW DOGGY?! ARE YOU WALKING FUNNY?!? OOOWWWNNNNNNEDDDDDD!!!! AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

On a serious note, I don't have any babies in real life because I'm smart enough to know that I can't get a girl's mouth or asshole pregnant. I'm also smart enough to know that abortions are expensive, but the three flights of stairs leading up to my apartment are free to use. Babies are bad people. Besides, if I had to choose between taking care of my baby and writing, you better believe I'd be playing ding dong ditch with a bassinet before you could blink.

Posted by KungFu Mike at 1:40 PM