KungFuMike.net - April 17, 2008

http://www. taquitos. net/chips/Utz_Crab_Chip

I was hanging out with my friend last night and she bought a bag because they looked funny and they were only $0.99. I was embarrassed for her to even bring them to the counter with me. Crab chips? Jesus, we're those people. The people that wear house shoes and sweatpants and buy pickled eggs and pork rinds at the convenience store. Where did I take a wrong turn in life? I threw my Slim Jim by the register and turned around as she paid.

The first thing we did was open the bag of crab chips as soon as we left the store. I took a bite of one, and I was less than impressed. I was happy that it didn't actually taste like crap dust, but it was very spicy and a little too salty all on a lackluster, paper thin potato chip. Then I had another. After that second chip, I knew that Utz Crab Chips were an acquired taste, kind of like pate or kim chi. I had another. And another. My eyes lit up. Before I knew it I was elbow deep, furiously fist fucking a plastic bag of heavily seasoned potato chips like there was a million dollar check made out to "cash" stuffed into its cervix.

It's been 12 hours since I left that store and I am eating my second bag of crab chips. The sides of my running shorts are covered in Chesapeake Bay crab seasoning because I couldn't wait to change before I tore into them and I can't stop stuffing my face while I'm on the computer and I don't want to get the keys messy.

Your homework assignment for tonight is to go out, buy a bag of Utz Crap Chips and tell us what you think of them. If you love them like I do, you're welcome. If you don't? It's a ninety nine cent bag of potato chips, Schpinkleburg.

~KungFu Mike

Posted by KungFu Mike at 9:50 AM