I am very upset with myself; upset to the point that I am having a hard time looking in the mirror while I brush my teeth. Why am I so upset? Because my hangover on Sunday forced me in front of my television to watch, in its entirety, The Hills marathon on MTV. I had never seen the show before and I figured, for the sake of being informed (and I couldn't find my remote) that I would watch a couple of episodes so that I would at least be able to participate in a conversation about it with a pack of feral, fake-tittied starlets at a Los Angeles soirée. What actually happened was that I could not pull myself away from that train wreck of a cast. I mean, people act like this in real life? Did the National Douche Institute have to come up with a new unit of douche measurement when Spencer first graced the screen? Is Heidi really that unable to analyze her life and come to the conclusion that she is a useless whore? Can anyone on this show do that? How do they actually hold jobs? What kind of parents could just sit back and watch their kids blow through their trusts like that? Do people actually think that Lauren is pretty? How are they celebrities? Because they have resolved to believe that there is nothing else going on in the world that surrounds their bubble? How can they not make Team Justin Bobby shirts? Who worships these people?
That's when I looked out of my window and realized that everyone within a 400 mile radius of myself worships these people. I live in Los Angeles. People are actually like this, and much, much worse. It makes me miss home a lot.
On that note, here is a really funny YouTube movie that fits the bill entirely. I fucking love whoever drew the Spencer character. When I saw that Neanderthal face and that sleepy, half retarded voice, I laughed so hard that I farted involuntarily. On a side note, if they do indeed make Team Justin Bobby t-shirts, feel free to send me one. That guy is fucking hilarious. Accepts shots from people and walks away without saying thank you? Check. Leaves the party without saying goodbye to his girlfriend? Check. Makes everyone on that show really, really uncomfortable? Check. I'm pretty sure that you could replace him with me, and the only thing that would change is that I would be calling everyone a whore any time that I was on camera.
Posted by KungFu Mike at 10:44 AM