The Fallout -- Post Script to Vacancy at the Roundtable - April 22, 2008

"We must slay the monster! Grab your pitchforks and torches!" Unfortunately for the villagers, Frankenstein was expecting them this time.

If I've learned anything about myself over the years, it's that I don't like things that go out with a whimper. I'd rather get into a car accident than run out of gas. I like a meal to be served all at once as opposed to set courses. If I won the lottery, I would take the lump sum without hesitation. The same goes for my friendships; you're either my friend or you're not. I can't sit back and be OK with a great buddy becoming a fair weather acquaintance over time like a normal person. I'd rather cut things off at the quick than let personal relationships dwindle into toxicity. I'm anxiously impatient and I need immediate closure in conflicts so I can focus on other things besides those conflicts. That's just the barbed tail of the Great Dysfunction of Mike. That's part of who I am.

Vacancy at the Roundtable was written with two purposes in mind. One of them was for me to be able to work out and organize my feelings about my friends; a private exercise in honesty. The other was for me to see if I was right in my character assessments by publishing it. Lately, I have been consumed with introspection. VATR was a way for me to see if I was being 100% honest with that introspection and I wasn't just making shit up in my head in efforts to explain why I keep low quality people close to me. Was I just wrapping things up in a neat bow so it made sense to me and my readers or did I have no idea what I was talking about? Were they really even low quality, or was I low quality? It was an experiment with really high stakes involved -- either I was right about the second tier and this would serve as an enticing bug zapper lantern for the secretly dissenting friends that needed to go, or I was going to be totally wrong and accidentally force good people out of my life. I finished writing it, took a deep breath and clicked "Publish" on Moveable Type.

As expected, someone I know personally eventually figured out who "Steve" and his girlfriend really were and made sure to fill everybody in on what I wrote about. Also expected, Steve never gave me a ring. Honestly, I don't think he cares as much as everyone else around us does. Some of the feedback from friends was positive. Some of it was a little negative, but not overly so. I can understand how making your life an open book for everybody to read can seem taboo and some of the response from friends lined right up with those stigmas. Constructive criticism is a good thing and I always welcome it.

Lo and behold, the second tier emerged. A handful of them crawled out of the cracks in my life, some from after months of silence to let me know how disappointed they were with me for writing the piece. These are people that have never before read anything I have written. I knew immediately that I had smart money on this wager when the baseless accusations started flying around.

"What you did was fucked up and you know it."

"You're ego tripping."

"Nobody dislikes Steve's girlfriend. You're just making that up."

"YOU BETRAYED YOUR FRIEND!!!"

The reasons for their ire were as varied as they were insane. I even had one buddy tell me they thought I wrote the piece in the hopes that it would break up Steve and his girlfriend. Seriously. My dark, perilous spiral through introspection and self discovery peaks at...Dawson's Creek-esque sabotage? At first I thought my friends knew very little about the quality of my character, but as the fallout from Vacancy at the Roundtable became more and more prevalent, I realized that wasn't really the case at all. The true root of their attacks came from a much more sinister place.

I was more curious than upset about the second tier's flailing antics. It was almost sadly comical to see how they were compelled to throw their two cents in regarding a subject that had nothing to do with them. I thought about why these people, people who are normally very adamant about staying out of other people's business, were all of a sudden abandoning their leave-it-alone mantras and taking me to the mat. Why was this happening? What was fueling their witch hunt? After all, they couldn't really give a shit about the Mike and Steve fiasco, but they could care about potentially looking bad in front of Steve. Ah, now that makes sense. The same second tier affiliates that were bitching to me about Steve's girlfriend in the first place were turning around and publicly burning me in order to save face. They didn't want to feel like they were low caliber buddies or to assume blame for sucking in any way, so they lashed out at me over any contrived conspiracy theory that floated in front of their faces. I was purposefully very vague in describing the specific qualities of the second tier and it was funny to see how fast they jumped to defend themselves, especially when they couldn't have been sure if I was even talking about them specifically or not. This is the true mark of the second tier -- latching on to anything to keep from looking in the mirror and finding a guilty zit on their otherwise delusional, Clearasil clear faces; to crave the security of companionship but not the responsibility. Some went quietly, some went after futile, dragged out debates but they all got the ax by the end of the week.

In summation, I theorized that I would be shanked by those close to me for telling the truth and that actually came to pass through my Vacancy at the Roundtable experiment. More importantly, I proved to myself that all of my time put into self analysis and reflection leads to real world benefit and it's not just cyclical bullshit faux intellectualism. My newly honed emotional honesty paved the way for my friend tree to get some much needed pruning, my writing is heading in directions I never thought possible and I'm way more inclined to make new friends now as opposed to before because I finally understand what qualities in friends I require and that helps me let more people past my cynical moat and drawbridge. I'm a genuinely happy guy. This marks both the end of an old era -- the death of a life lived purely for others -- and the birth of a new one; an era where crutches are discarded and we truly get to see what this Mike character is capable of.

Posted by KungFu Mike at 12:34 PM

Print Friendly · Digg it · del.icio.us · StumbleUpon · Netscape

Trackback Pings

TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.festeringass.com/mt/mt-tb.fcgi/2324

Comment Policy:

Anonymous comments are allowed. All anonymous comments and comments from those not registered with TypeKey are moderated. They WILL NOT appear until they are read and approved by a moderator.

It is strongly encouraged that you sign up and login with a TypeKey account. Once you do that, your comments will be immediately posted.

Comments

It's amazing how much time can change people. I commend you for being honest and laying your life and stories out there. Everyone has different ways of working their issues out and someone can always relate to you. I can safely say that it's not you that is low quality, others are low quality. People take advantage of those who give 110% in friendships and think its okay to give them nothing in return. It sucks when you realize it, but eventually you end up having to let them go. He's an idiot for letting a good friend leave his life.

Posted by: Brittany at April 22, 2008 03:30 PM

I don't think anyone else could've said it any better. I must say that I have a newfound respect for you, based solely on your writing! Although i have to admit, i'm petty enough to be irritated at those who were pruned from my friend tree! But at least i know i'm not the only one that people pull this bullshit on!

Posted by: Jae at April 22, 2008 05:38 PM

Mike, can I be one of your new friends?

Posted by: Green Ranger at April 22, 2008 06:00 PM

"This marks both the end of an old era -- the death of a life lived purely for others -- and the birth of a new one; an era where crutches are discarded and we truly get to see what this Mike character is capable of."

KHATAAAAK!!!!

Posted by: Sanku at April 22, 2008 06:04 PM

Hey Mikey, if you want to chill sometime just let me know... i dont mean to be cockey but all my friends tell me i could be the next dane cook. not to brag but im above average in the looks category and i have a high paying job which means i can buy you beer. me and you would make a great team.

your boy,
phil

KUNGFU MIKE EDIT: I know my entry was all heartfelt towards the end and everything, but this is the gayest thing I have ever read in my life. I've changed, but not into a glory hole booth attendant. Thanks for the sentiment though, I guess.

Posted by: Anonymous at April 22, 2008 06:38 PM

Congrats? I'd send you a card, but I don't think they have a section for a devious plan to find out which friends are good, and which are fake though. Damn good plan though. Just remember who your bestest friend is though. The hand you jack off with.

Posted by: CaptainCanada at April 22, 2008 08:54 PM

'I could be the next dane cook'

That's definatly not something to brag about.

Posted by: Matt at April 23, 2008 04:39 AM

You are a good person. Will you mail me some crab flavored chips?

Posted by: imonfire at April 23, 2008 05:13 AM

......so you didn't get anyone pregnant?

Posted by: K at April 23, 2008 06:16 AM

To start, really... who says that they are "the next Dane Cook" with a straight face? Does "Phil" know how much of a horrible excuse of a "comedian" Dane Cook really is? Anyway, I commend you for your friendship tree pruning. It takes a lot of courage to cut ties with people you cared about and have vested interest in! I wish you the best Mike!

Posted by: Amie at April 23, 2008 08:42 AM

"the death of a life lived purely for others"

That made me cringe. As a human, be careful about polarizing everything and packing it into neat categories that help you 'get a grip' on things. A life lived purely for others? Are you mother Theresa? Please. That's exactly the kind of thing someone mired in introspection would write. Careful with all that introspection. You'll find if you spend most of your time thinking about your 'self' you'll be feeling pretty miserable. I'm not saying introspection is bad, just that (like anything) too much is a bad thing.

Now for the positive note. I went through exactly the same thing you're going through. It takes a lot of energy to maintain old friendships that are at risk of dwindling into mediocrity. At some point you do have to 'prune the friend tree'. That doesn't mean the branches that fall aren't friends anymore though. Just that you don't expel energy into being an active part of their lives. When I see or hear from these old friends, I hug them, try to get a beer with them, etc, but I don't get caught up in making future plans with them, etc. Who has the time? You're spot on, and you'll feel much better for it in the long run.

Posted by: booger eater at April 23, 2008 09:21 AM

This guy above me, Booger Eater, is clearly a fag and probably hates America. Great post though.

Posted by: Billy at April 26, 2008 09:06 AM